Every Little Thing Is Fine
The Little Fish has fallen in love with a woman outside the tank, in a place he calls "There." He wants her to notice him. This is not the first time he has done this. The Big Fish—the chief fish in the tank— has been trying to convince him to leave well enough alone. We take you now to . . . a fish tank.
LITTLE FISH is floating upside down at the top of the tank. The lights have dimmed in the tank proper. Spots light this scene, with lights coming up as needed during the big number! BIG FISH enters.
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Note some lyrics should be in ALL CAPS. Must get around to that some day.
BIG FISH
Whoa! Why'd it get so dark in here? I'll bet this has something to do with whatshisfish . . . where is he?
(He looks around, then up and sees LITTLE FISH, who is trying desperately to swim upside down, with little success.)
Whoa! Oh, just great! This place is going pollywog! What are you doing now?!
LITTLE FISH
It worked for that guy with the stripes yesterday. He swam belly-up for a while, then, Poof! He got carried up and away.
He got out of here! He got . . . There! Where she is. Lucky bass!
BIG FISH
He wasn’t swimming! He was . . . you know . . . dead. You're gonna drive me crazy! Get down here!
LITTLE FISH
I want her to understand what she means to me!
(The LITTLE FISH starts waving a piece of seaweed or the like)
Yoo-hoo!
BIG FISH
Holler all you want—nothing's gonna change, Friend! But what I’m saying is, why should you want it to? Open your eyes!
LITTLE FISH
They're always open. I don't have any eyelids . . .
BIG FISH
(Interrupting, as music starts)
Granted! Mean to say, why ya wanna mess around, make things worse? You gotta settle down and learn that
every clam has a silver lining!
(Aside)
It does, you know.
(During the song, as other fish enter, BIG FISH makes sure everyone is cheery - rearranging their faces if necessary. As the LITTLE FISH continues to be unmoved by the song, the BIG FISH becomes more agitated. He sings:)
Why be so crabby
And say life is shabby
When in reality,
Pal-ity,
You're in the swim?
Take it from me,
FISH CHORUS
Take it from him,
BIG FISH
Every little thing is fine!
You're always harping,
Complaining and carping,
But that mentality—
Vocality
Of your banality—
sure makes ya grim.
Take it from me,
FISH CHORUS
Take it from him,
BIG FISH
Every little thing is fine!
Why ya gotta swim upstream?
Why ya making waves whenever you got a dream?
Who told you you're a star (fish)?
It's time that you admitted who and where you are . . .
(Like a stand-up-comic crossed with W.C. Fields)
Ahh, friend, see, you don’t amount to a barnacle on my royal hiney. But I’m gonna give you some advice. Quit making those sad tadpole eyes and bringing everybody down. You've been pouting so long, you're face has frozen that way . . .
(Aside)
. . . though who can really tell?
(Sings)
When you're unhappy,
we're all feelin' crappy
our hospitality—
neutrality,
cordiality—
is sure growin’ slim.
Take it from me,
FISH CHORUS
Take it from him,
BIG FISH
Every little thing is fine!
(Here the Big Fish does a little soft-shoe dance, as he recites/chants)
Before you go and blow the blues
Just think of all the joys you’ve got to lose.
This place is a veritable paradise!
LITTLE FISH
But nearly daily some big dude
Comes up and says I look like big dude food.
Then he tries to eat me, and that's just not nice.
BIG FISH
Well sure, sometimes you'll be pursued
By some scum-sucker with an attitude . . .
So you lose a few scales! That's a small, small price.
(Sings)
Why ya gotta swim upstream?
Why ya gotta say things ain’t as good as they seem?
Why not be satisfied?
The algae's always greener on the other side . . .
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FISH CHORUS
The algae's always greener on the other side . . .
​
(Rhythmic drumbeat dance starts. The BIG FISH gets more and more riled up.)
MEDIUM-SIZED FISH (Referring to BIG FISH)
Give him the hook!
(BIG FISH does violence upon the MEDIUM-SIZED FISH.)
BIG FISH or VARIOUS FISH
You're bringing us down, fish,
By being the clown, fish!
(Drums and key change)
This is the last straw, fish,
You're stuck in my craw, fish!
(Drums and key change)
You ain't where it's at, fish
So you better
(Music stops)
S’cat, fish!
(Music starts again. Drums, key change.)
BIG FISH
Why go through hell, fish?
You're being selfish.
Your stupid malady—
Irrationality,
Sentimentality—
Makes everything dim!
Why wail and whine?
LITTLE FISH
Whale?
BIG FISH
Why pail and pine?
Why not frolic in the brine?
LITTLE FISH
What brine?
FISH CHORUS
Cause every little thing is—
BIG FISH
(Forcing a smile)
Be happy like your king is—
BIG FISH AND OTHERS
Every little thing is fine!!
(Big finish! The Little Fish looks for a moment like he's listened. The others are frozen, watching expectantly.
Then LITTLE FISH turns to the glass and sighs deeply as he looks beyond the tank.
The BIG FISH throws down his hat and cane with a groan of disgust. Button.)